{This Episode Sucks}

"Jules, don't beat yourself up, you can't possibly be able to control wether or not Gus and I follow you after you surreptitiously get a phone call from work."

"Why would I ask Sean not to birth a calf or a litter of pigs?"

"It's bold - with a zesty salty finish."

"Actually, I'm gonna have to go with Spencer on this one." (coming from lassie, that's weird)

"That's baloney" "You're baloney"

"Since when do you have personal matters?"

"Just keeps on ticking, like the heart of a wounded elephant"

"No one remembers Blackula, except for us, and Quinten Taruntino"

"..with the rush of jubilation I felt when I heard Chuck Norris speak... I was 13"

"I'm dangerous, in a sexy way"

"It needs to be garlic to skin contact Sean."

"Wow - you guys are actually devolving."

"I don't have a room - I live in a tent outback."

"It's really common for full fledged vampires to wander..."

"I used to be a detective, now I'm a babysitter."

"You're mama's coogan."

"That's a feline." "That will drink you like a juice box."

"We are the only ones in the world that can save him right now."

"Come on Lassie let the right ones in!" "Unless you're already undead!" "In which case, would you kindly impale yourself with a wooden stake!?"

"Nice try, Queen of the damned"

"J Lo does wear those nails when they go out clubbing."

"Come on, let's hug it out." "I would rather learn to play the harp."

"What are we supposed to do? Haul all this blood back to the bank?" "No I think we should just leave it here."

"This hurts me way more than this hurts you."

"He's clearly not gonna eat it Sean, and I'm hungry like a mug."

"It's just a special gift that I bust out on special occasions, and mostly all the time."

"I need a diversion, start being yourself."

"Gus, have some respect for yourself."

"I offered you a season pass to the festival that happens inside my chest cavity."

"Gus quick, give me your credit card."

"I've slowly been building up a tolerance to chloroform over the last 15 years."

"scissors clearly have the advantage"

Lassie has a girl! Lassie has a girl! Lassie has a girl! 

I have compiled a list of funny quotes from this episode of Psych.. more to come.